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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29523603">I’m here (I wish you were too)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/scpernovas/pseuds/scpernovas'>scpernovas</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Outer Space</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:13:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,026</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29523603</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/scpernovas/pseuds/scpernovas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“When you look at the stars, I hope you think of me.”</p><p>            in which, oikawa and iwaizumi are far<br/>apart in outer space and the distance<br/>between them gets to be unbearable.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I’m here (I wish you were too)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i was watching your lie in april and wanted angst. here it is!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Tooru, how are we going to make this work?"</p><p>Iwaizumi Hajime and Oikawa Tooru stood together on their balcony for the third night this week— it was Wednesday. The sun was slowly setting in the distance, and the different shades of red, orange, pink, yellow, and a violent blue erupting from below cast a beautiful light on the pair. The wind was blowing ever so slightly, and Iwaizumi was jealous of just how attractive it made Oikawa’s hair look. The distance between them wasn’t even fifteen centimeters, but Iwaizumi felt as if they were kilometers away. Oikawa finally turned to stare at his boyfriend— eyes locking with the other’s.</p><p>“We’ll talk every day,” he simply replied, his signature smile plastered across his oh-so-beautiful face. Iwaizumi hated how casually he said it. Shouldn’t he be more upset? Iwaizumi sure was. Every moment he was awake- even the occasional dream of his- was spent dreading what would happen when he and Oikawa finally shot off into space.</p><p>It wouldn’t be so hard to take if they were at least together, but they weren’t that fortunate.</p><p>He could only imagine what it would be like. Sure, the both of them had been on a space mission before, but it was together. Their last mission was only a month <em>together</em>, and this mission was supposed to be <em>permanent</em>. Things on Earth were worse than anticipated, and those who could needed to leave as soon as possible. Iwaizumi thought of nothing but the fact that he would never again wake up next to Oikawa, would never get to hold his hand again, would never get to order separate meals just for Oikawa to eat half of his plate anyway, and he would never ever ever get to kiss his stupid, dumb face again.</p><p>He would never get to do all of these things that made life oh-so-worth it. He would never see his beautiful, stupid, nerdy boyfriend again. Why- oh <em>God</em> why- did they offer to do this stupid mission? They knew the consequences, yet their innate desire to do good just had to come out.</p><p>“Hajime,” Oikawa whispered, causing the hairs on Iwa’s neck to rise. His voice, so soft and gentle when he wanted it to be, was something Iwaizumi decided he was definitely going to miss. “Hajime, I’m so... I’m <em>so</em> sorry,” his boyfriend choked out, causing Iwa to turn so fast his neck almost lost functionality. It was then that Iwaizumi noticed what was going on with his boyfriend.</p><p>Oikawa’s once beautiful eyes- well, they still were- were bloodshot, and tears were spewing out. The drops sprinkled onto the boy’s long sleeve shirt that his hand’s were tugging at; which, Iwaizumi recognized as something the other boy did when he didn’t know what he was feeling. His hair, Iwaizumi suddenly noticed, was unkept. His shirt was worn by him the day before, and his pants were covered in what Iwa could only assume was food. They lived together, and Iwaizumi was only just now noticing what the other was going through. <em>Some boyfriend I am</em>, he thought.</p><p>“Tooru- no! Don’t apologize, idiot!” Iwa groaned, throwing his arms around the now (silently) crying boy. Iwa’s large arms wrapped around his just as muscular boyfriend, and the two slowly sank to the floor as they attempted to enjoy the other’s presence while they could. He found it funny that as children he would have just punched his friend to clear his mind, yet now, here he was, sitting on their apartment’s balcony in each other’s arms. “We’ll make it work, I promise,” Iwa added, his voice cracking slightly; however, it wasn’t very convincing, and he was sure Oikawa could hear the doubt in his voice.</p><p>“Why can’t <em>we</em> be on the same stupid, dumb spacecraft, Iwa?” Oikawa said- no, screamed- into the boy’s chest. Iwaizumi could feel the moisture from Tooru’s crying and spit mix on his shirt, but right now he didn’t care. “It’s totally just- not- well- not fair! Kuroo and Kenma are together! Bokuto and Akaashi are! Daichi and Suga are! Even dumb little Tobio and Shoyo! Why us? Why must it be us? Why us? Why, why why? Why, Hajime?” Oikawa sobbed. The boy’s volume dropped after each ‘why,’ and by the time he said Iwaizumi’s name it was barely above a whisper.</p><p>Iwaizumi didn’t know how to respond, so he just stroked the other boy’s head. He felt Oikawa gradually relax in his hold, and, the longer they stayed in that position, Iwaizumi couldn’t help but cry as well. Both boys sat there on their balcony- sobbing into the other’s arms- and wondered why on Earth it had to be <em>them</em>. Why <em>they</em> were the unfortunate couple that had to split.</p><p>After a few minutes, the boys finally regained their composure and stood up. Oikawa wiped his nose on the edge of his sleeve and his semi-dry tears off with the bottom of his shirt, and Iwaizumi went to the bathroom to wash his face. The pair had dinner plans, seeing as it was their last night together, so they decided it was time to get ready.</p><p>Oikawa was taking forever in the shower- per the norm- and Iwaizumi sat on the edge of their bed, anxiously bobbing his knee as he waited for the other to finish. He pulled out his phone and began scrolling through the different pictures in his camera roll.</p><p>Oikawa and him at the beach. Them at the aquarium. Oikawa eating. Oikawa eating again. The both of them plus Takeru (Oikawa’s nephew) at his science fair- Takeru’s first prize medal in hand for his gravity presentation. The both of them at an arcade with Bokuto and Akaashi. A group photo including their fellow astronauts- Bokuto, Akaashi, Suga, Daichi, Kuroo, Kozume, Tobio, and Shoyo- at a fancy dinner. A picture of Oikawa, Daichi, and Suga that Iwaizumi took, because he didn’t feel as photogenic as they did that day. A picture of Oikawa sleeping (which he would rather be caught dead than admit to taking). Unfortunately, he was caught.</p><p>“Why, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa’s voice cooed, shocking Iwa into suddenly turning off his screen, “was that a picture of me? Sleeping?”</p><p>“Of course not,” Iwaizumi lied. He knew Oikawa had seen, so it was entirely too late to lie, but he wasn’t going to admit to anything.</p><p>“Open your phone,” Oikawa ordered, snatching the phone from the side of Iwaizumi.</p><p>“No! I need to shower anyway, stupid. You better not have wasted all the hot water again,” Iwaizumi grumbled, his cheeks red from getting caught by his boyfriend.</p><p>“No need to lie, Hajime. I’m aware my beauty is overwhelming,” Oikawa joked. <em>This idiot, </em>Hajime thought.</p><p>“Shut up, Tooru,” Iwaizumi ordered before planting a sloppy kiss on his lover’s lips. He pulled away, leaving the other with a dumbstruck expression on his face, and hurried into the shower— Iwa was tired of never making it in time for any of their reservations.</p><p>As he got ready, Oikawa felt his confidence crumbling. Seeing Iwaizumi scrolling through his photos in such a somber manner made him realize how real everything was.</p><p> </p><p>In less than 24 hours, they’d be separated.</p><p> </p><p>Forever.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Are you seriously going through your photos?” Iwa asked, glancing over at his boyfriend in the passenger seat. Oikawa stuck his tongue out after assuming Hajime was trying to make fun of him for being a sap.</p><p>“Yes!” Oikawa groaned, “I’m going to miss you so much...” he whispered, glancing down at the other’s legs to avoid eye contact. Iwaizumi lifted his head with his hand and planted a kiss on his cheek. “Iwa! That isn’t safe! Keep your eyes on the road!” Oikawa chided.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” Iwa laughed.</p><p>“Look!” Oikawa exclaimed, shoving his phone into his boyfriend’s face, “the party!” The picture in question was of a half-awake Kageyama with whipped cream on his face, a laughing Hinata (who had a can of whipped cream in hand), Bokuto and Akaashi sleeping on each other, Suga grinding on Daichi (whose face was extremely flushed), and Kuroo and Kenma making out in the background. “I’m going to miss them,” he sighed, referring to Hinata, Kageyama, Suga, and Daichi.</p><p>“You’ll be fine,” Iwaizumi promised, rubbing the boy’s thigh with his hand to comfort him. “Plus, you’ve never even been nice to poor Tobio,” Iwaizumi added.</p><p>“That’s because he’s never <em>deserved</em> it! He’s always so rude to me!” Oikawa huffed, turning his knees away from Iwa in protest. “You of all people should know this, Hajime. You <em>know</em> how he feels about aliens.”</p><p>“That’s no reason to be rude to him!” Iwa laughed, “but please do continue going through your photos,” he requested. Oikawa turned back towards the boy and planted a kiss on his cheek before opening his phone again to scroll through years worth of memories with their friends.</p><p>He then showed Hajime picture after picture in the car.</p><p>The both of them at the beach wearing matching swim trunks. Iwa and Takeru at the latter’s volleyball practice. Iwa eating sushi and making a disgusted face— because, <em>God</em>, was that place horrible (they never went back). Oikawa wearing Iwa’s spacesuit (which was slightly too small on him due to the former being taller). Iwa making breakfast in their kitchen in his boxers. Oikawa and Iwa in their apartment mirror in their nicest attire, because they had a work banquet to attend. Picture after picture of Iwaizumi. Picture after picture of the two boys that were madly in love.</p><p>Oikawa used to joke that nothing could ever bring them apart, but how much distance between them would it take to do just that?</p><p>“We’re here,” Iwaizumi chirped, attempting to bring his boyfriend out of his head. He could tell from the look on his face that Oikawa was deep in thought— and not in a good way at all.</p><p>Oikawa’s eyebrows were scrunched up, his jaw was clenched, his shoulders were tensed, and he was beginning to shake. His breathing became uneven as his vision began to blur. “Iwa,” he choked out, tears spilling out of his squeezed-shut eyes.</p><p>“Hey, hey, hey, I’m here, Tooru, I’m here,” he whispered, unbuckling his seatbelt to sit on his knees in the driver’s seat. He gently rubbed Oikawa’s cheeks with his thumbs, trying to dry the tears that wouldn’t stop coming out. “I’m here with you, okay? We’re going to get through this, I know we will,” Iwaizumi promised. The hurt in Oikawa’s eyes was there, and Iwaizumi’s heart broke.</p><p>“I’m sorry we have to separate. I’m sorry it has to be us. I wish so much it didn’t have to be us, because I love you so so much, Tooru. I love you so much, and I wanted to spend the rest of my entire life with you, but this job of ours... we have to do it. Who else will? It has to be us. We’re strong enough for this- so strong- and we will get through it. We’ll communicate whenever we can. We’ll be there for each other, and we’ll have our friends! We will make it through this, Tooru. We will... we have to,” Iwaizumi was nearing the verge of tears himself, and he realized- that with every word that spilled out of his mouth- he was approaching a very slippery slope.</p><p>“Iwa, I don’t wanna leave you,” Oikawa said.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Why do you always order something if you’re just going to mooch off of my dinner anyway?” Iwaizumi grumbled as he watched Oikawa take a third bite from his plate. “I’m hungry too, you know.”</p><p>“Oh, Hajime,” Oikawa smiled, “I love you.”</p><p>Iwaizumi glanced up from his plate, his appetite suddenly disappearing, and locked eyes with his boyfriend. The soft lighting the restaurant offered did wonders for Oikawa’s appearance, and Iwaizumi couldn’t help but think about how lucky he was— and how much he was going to miss him. Oikawa’s hair was fluffy and went out in every side (the way it usually did), his top two buttons of his fancy shirt were undone (Iwaizumi couldn’t stop staring), and his hands curled around his fork in such a beautiful way that Hajime couldn’t stop himself from grabbing his hand and planting a kiss on it.</p><p>“And I love you,” Iwaizumi replied, a sad look in his eyes.</p><p>The two boys stared at the other, both recognizing how much things were going to change in the coming days. They grew up together, they did everything together, and they hadn’t gone longer than a month with each other. Every little quirk that Oikawa had was known by Iwaizumi and vice versa.</p><p>Iwaizumi was the only one who knew how to get Oikawa down from a panic attack. Iwaizumi was the only one who knew what Oikawa’s obscure jokes were about. Iwaizumi was the only one who knew Oikawa’s deepest fears, concerns, and what lurked in his nightmares. Iwaizumi knew everything about Oikawa, and he didn’t want <em>anyone</em> to ever, ever, ever know the intimate details about his boyfriend that he did. Iwaizumi was the only one who he wanted to kiss Oikawa. Iwaizumi was the <em>only one </em>who could calm Oikawa down with just a hug. Iwaizumi was the only one for Oikawa, and now they weren’t even going to be together.</p><p>On the other side of the table, Oikawa was thinking similar things. He was thinking about how he was going to miss waking up to Iwaizumi. He was going to miss the way Iwaizumi would gently smack his arm when his self-confidence became to reach a narcissistic level. He was going to miss the way Iwaizumi always had a grumpy frown on his face <em>except</em> for when he was smiling at him. He was going to miss Iwaizumi’s breakfast in boxers. He was going to miss the movie night’s that he and Iwaizumi would have. He was going to miss the way Iwaizumi always ragged on him for taking such long showers. He was going to miss Iwaizumi’s stupid beefy arms. He was going to miss Iwaizumi’s calloused fingers that felt like home when he held them. He was going to miss being Iwaizumi’s best friend. He was going to miss being the one that Iwaizumi was comforted by (even though most times, Hajime comforted him). He was going to miss every single aspect of his dumb, stupid, (sometimes) scary, jerk-y, handsome, loving, incredibly caring boyfriend.</p><p>Both boys stared into the other's eyes, and they both had a feeling that their journey would not end in their favor. With that in mind, they almost telepathically decided to savor these last few beautiful moments that they would have together. Oikawa broke their eye contact, glanced down at Iwa's lips, kissed him, and took another fork of Iwaizumi's dinner while he was still off guard.</p><p>"Hey! I told you I'm eating this," Iwaizumi frowned. Oikawa simply stuck his tongue out in response before taking a bite of his own meal.</p><p>There was an impressive spread of food in front of the pair, and each had picked at least three things they wanted. <em>"One last meal before freeze-dried trash,"</em> Oikawa had joked. Neither of them were the biggest fans of space food, but what can you do?</p><p>"Sorry, sorry, babe," Oikawa grinned, hoping his term of endearment would allow him access to Iwaizumi's dinner options. Iwa's face turned red, but he shook his head no sternly.</p><p>"No. I'm not falling for that. I'm not letting you eat my food just because you called me babe." Oikawa gave him puppy dog eyes in response. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes before rotating the dishes towards Oikawa, giving him just what he wanted.</p><p>“Thank you, thank you, thank you, Hajime,” Oikawa said through a large grin and sad eyes.</p><p>They really were going to miss each other lots.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” Iwaizumi blushed and looked down at his lap to avoid eye contact, “just eat the food, stupid.”</p><p>“Hajime, what are you going to miss the most about me?” Oikawa joked, tilting his head forward in a flirtatious manner and giving Iwaizumi a better view of his toned chest hidden by the shirt. Even though Oikawa had been having a <em>much</em> harder time getting over the approaching split from Iwaizumi, he was having quite an easier time joking about it than his boyfriend.</p><p>“I’m going to miss having someone to make fun of,” Iwaizumi deadpanned. Oikawa gasped and placed a hand on top of his satin-clad chest.</p><p>“Hajime!”</p><p>“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” Iwaizumi laughed, the look on Oikawa’s face priceless and memorable as always, “I’m going to miss everything.” Iwaizumi’s tone softened, and Oikawa knew he was being genuine (that time).</p><p>"I'm going to miss everything, too," Oikawa frowned, before it was replaced by a scandalous smirk, "but I sure am going to miss those big muscles of yours-"</p><p>"Tooru! Not here!" Iwaizumi grumbled, his eyes darting around the restaurant in a desperate attempt to make sure no one nearby overheard his boyfriend's somewhat inappropriate response.</p><p>"What?" Oikawa fake innocently asked. The upset expression on Iwaizumi's face wasn't faltering, and Oikawa's confidence began to crumble. "Iwa, I'm- I'm sorry," Oikawa stuttered, not realizing the boy had taken it so seriously.</p><p>"What and now I'm just Iwa again?" Iwaizumi asked, placing his silverware down on the table a little <em>too</em> roughly.</p><p>"Iwa- I mean- Hajime, I'm sorry! I didn't know you were going to take it that way! I didn't mean it like that! Well- I mean- I did, but I'm going to miss everything! I thought you knew this! I’m not <em>that</em> vain!" Oikawa's voice was slowly rising by the second and both of them feared a fight was coming on— something they desperately wanted to avoid having before their split.</p><p>"Yes I knew that," Iwaizumi groaned, "but why are we fighting, idiot? Who cares about what's going to be missed?"</p><p>"I think we should just go," Oikawa suggested in a grave tone.</p><p>"Seriously?" Iwaizumi asked.</p><p>"Yes, come on. I lost my appetite anyways," Oikawa replied, wiping his hands and mouth on a napkin. He motioned for their waiter to come over, and then asked for their check. "Come on, Hajime," Oikawa sighed. The pair arose from their seats and went over to pay before leaving the restaurant hand in hand.</p><p>"What is up with you?" Iwaizumi asked as the pair waited for the valet to bring their car around. Oikawa's jacket was tightly wrapped around his body, and his hands were shoved deep in his pockets. Oikawa was facing the other direction until Iwaizumi began speaking to him, and when he turned the pair exchanged a nasty glare.</p><p>"What's up with <em>me</em>? What's up with <em>you</em>?" Oikawa asked, his voice dripping with venom. "I'm trying so hard to make this easier for myself- and I guess you in this process- but every time I crack a joke you seem to take it so seriously! I can't even flirt with you anymore apparently! I'm trying to- oh look. There's the stupid valet. Tip him, Hajime."</p><p>"It's a her."</p><p>"Ok, well tip <em>her</em>."</p><p>"Fine."</p><p>"Fine."</p><p>They got into the car, and Iwaizumi turned the keys. He wondered if he should place a hand on Oikawa’s lap, but the growing tension between them led him to believe he shouldn’t; however, Oikawa took things into his own hands- Iwa’s, to be specific- and placed Iwaizumi’s hand onto his leg.</p><p>“Wow, bold tonight, huh?” Iwaizumi sarcastically asked.</p><p>“Shut up,” Oikawa groaned.</p><p>“Why do we keep fighting over such stupid things?” Iwaizumi loudly asked, turning towards his boyfriend who, in his opinion, was acting like a child.</p><p>“I don’t know! Maybe this stupid split is for the best!” Oikawa replied, immediately regretting the words that came out.</p><p>“You don’t... you don’t mean that?” Iwaizumi asked, slowly removing his forcedly-placed hand from Oikawa’s leg and placing it on his chin— a sign Oikawa knew came before the few meltdowns Iwaizumi had.</p><p>“No- no- I didn’t. I swear. I’m sorry, Hajime. You mean so much to me and I- I was an idiot for saying that! Call me an idiot, because I’m a stupid, dumb idiot. Please, Hajime, I didn’t mean it- I don’t know why I even said it! I’m so sorry,” Oikawa apologized, the words spilling out of his mouth. He leaned over the middle console to plant a kiss on Iwaizumi’s cheek, grabbed his hand, and held it in his own; rubbing a circle on the top to calm him down.</p><p>“What’s up with these mood swings, huh?” Iwaizumi tried to laugh, and looked over at Oikawa before he turned into their apartment complex’s parking garage to park.</p><p>“I don’t know. Maybe all this sexual tension surrounding us,” Oikawa joked. The car was parked.</p><p>“Oh yeah, Tooru?” Iwaizumi asked before smashing his lips against the other’s.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>”Well... I didn’t expect that, but at least now you have something hot and sexy to remember me by,” Oikawa joked, stroking the sweaty hair on Iwaizumi’s head. The (slightly) shorter boy lie on the taller, and the cool air from the open window greatly contrasted against their hot, sweaty bodies. The massage from Oikawa’s nimble fingers worked wonders for Iwaizumi’s anxiety and stress for the coming hours, and Oikawa wished they could stay like that forever.</p><p>They couldn’t, but it was a nice idea.</p><p>“Hey, do you wanna shower and then go sit under the stars?” Iwaizumi asked, his voice low. Oikawa briefly stopped combing through his hair before answering.</p><p>“Sure, but I’ve been told I take forever.”</p><p>“Just don’t then,” Iwa suggested. Oikawa laughed.</p><p>Both of them slowly got off the bed, each taking their own turn to shower. Iwaizumi went first, of course. If Oikawa went first all of the hot water would be gone.</p><p>Oikawa sat in the rumpled sheets as millions of thoughts ran through his head. Iwaizumi would be with Daichi, Suga, Tobio, and Shoyo; while Oikawa would be with Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo, and Kenma. Oikawa wasn’t sure which of them got the better end of the deal, but, seeing as they were separating for (basically) forever, he wasn’t sure if either of them were truly getting the better option. Either side was fine, but it meant nothing seeing as he wasn’t with the one person he wanted to be with.</p><p>Iwaizumi finished showering sooner than expected, and he didn’t even turn off the water— he just shoved Oikawa in. After forcing him in, Iwaizumi went to their bedroom, towel in hand, and put on a pair of shorts and a hoodie for their spontaneous star-gazing date. Suprisingly, Oikawa only took about fifteen minutes in the bathroom, and he soon came out with a towel wrapped around his waist.</p><p>“Two showers in one day? What a waste of water, Hajime,” Oikawa chided.</p><p>“You took two, too!”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, gimme your towel. I need it for my hair.” He pointed up at his flat, damp hair and gave Iwaizumi a (fake) nasty glare.</p><p>“Fine, here,” he sighed, “hurry up, will you? You know how early we have to be there tomorrow.”</p><p>“I know,” Oikawa groaned, “Sorry for wanting to spend time with you!” He turned around and pretended to dry his hair, not-so-discreetly glancing over at Iwaizumi to see if he looked sad or annoyed or happy or something.</p><p>“I know you do, sorry. I’m just tired, but I’ll be fine, I promise. We just can’t be late,” Iwa answered, his tone emotionless while his lack of sleep became increasingly obvious. Oikawa fully turned to smile at him before hurrying to finish getting ready. They <em>did</em> have to wake up early after all.</p><p>Finally, Oikawa was done with his routine and he and Iwaizumi left to go spend their last few moments together. While Iwa had made the plans, Oikawa took matters into his own hands and dragged his boyfriend up the flight of stairs (that they never took) in their apartment complex that led to the roof. The journey didn’t take nearly as long as expected, but the both of them were more out of breath than they would have preferred to admit once they arrived.</p><p>The dark blue sky was complimented by fluffy gray and white clouds, the occasional bird, and a plethora of sparkling stars above them.</p><p>The spontaneous mini-date led Iwaizumi to remember the first time he and Oikawa sat under the stars together many moons ago. They were about five, and they hadn’t been friends for long. Oikawa had just moved in next door a few weeks prior, but their friendship was so endearing it was hard for anyone to tell they had just met. The boys had been arguing over something (probably) stupid that day. Iwaizumi remembered it had something to do with one of them stealing the other’s toy— Oikawa was probably the one crying. They had been at Iwa’s house, but, after their argument, Oikawa decided that he was “<em>never, ever, ever playing with Iwa-chan again</em>,” so he went home. They ate dinner separately for the first time in a week, but Iwaizumi felt he had to apologize (even though to this day he still didn’t know what toy Tooru was going on about). After he ate, Iwaizumi went to apologize to his new friend by asking if he would go look at the stars with him. He knew his dearest Oikawa-san would agree, seeing as the boy was always obsessed with the galaxy and all things extra-terrestrial, and he did. They spent the rest of that night laying in a patch of grass between their front yards, staring at the stars above them. Iwaizumi’s apology obviously worked, seeing as even though Oikawa swore he would never play with him again they were still friends (and now more) over twenty years later.</p><p>Just as Oikawa was about to complain about not bringing a blanket for the two of them to sit on, Iwa pulled one out of almost nowhere. A shocked expression took place on Oikawa’s face and was soon replaced by a look of love.</p><p>“Wow, Hajime, so prepared!” Oikawa beamed, the moon illuminating his brown, wavy hair in the delicate wind.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” Iwaizumi grumbled, desperately hoping the other couldn’t see the blush growing on his cheeks. “Let’s just look at the stars, ok?”</p><p>Iwaizumi’s favorite constellation was Canis Major. According to myth, the dog was extremely fast and used by Orion. Oikawa’s favorite was Orion himself. The story of the gifted hunter was always one of Oikawa’s favorites, and the love for the myth translated over to his love of heavenly bodies.</p><p>“Look, Hajime, Orion.”</p><p>“I see.”</p><p>The pair sat in silence for a while, the quiet more comforting than words would have been. At this point, most of the words they were thinking had already been said, and while the space between them was so close, their hearts ached for the time they would lose once they went off into space.</p><p>“Tooru, I think we should call it a night,” Iwaizumi suggested, his voice barely above a whisper due to their proximity. The wind whistled through their ears, and though they had only been sitting for about ten minutes, they began to pack up their few things and go.</p><p>When they got back to their apartment, Iwaizumi fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow. <em>He must have been tired</em>, Oikawa thought fondly, staring at his boyfriend’s face softened by sleep.</p><p>While, yes, it was late, Oikawa wasn’t tired yet. He walked over to their small kitchen and prepared a small pot of coffee to give him a small energy boost. As he waited for the coffee to finish brewing, he began texting his parents for the last time. They were sure to be asleep, but he had to at least tell them how he felt about them before he left. Hopefully they’d reply in the early morning— he knew they woke up early.</p><p>The soft humming of the pot came to a slow, subtle stop, and he grabbed a mug before turning off the coffee maker. The mug was his favorite— a blue, clay mug with multiple pink, purple, and red hearts that he and Iwaizumi made together at a pottery class. Iwa had a similar one, but his was purple and had blue and green polka dots. Oikawa vividly remembered the day that they made the cups. Iwa hadn’t been too fond of the idea in the first place, but, after Oikawa begged him to, he finally agreed to go. Their outing only happened because Daichi and Sugawara had a coupon for two couples, and of course Oikawa wanted to spend time with them. The pairs were close, and they never rejected a chance to hang out. Similarly, Bokuto and Akaashi were extremely close to Kuroo and Kozume, but that was probably due to them going to college together— just like Iwaizumi, Oikawa, Sugawara, and Daichi.</p><p>He poured the coffee into his cup- filling it halfway- and mixed in a little bit of hazelnut creamer then vanilla creamer— just the way he liked it. Kuroo always joked that Oikawa drank creamer with a dash of coffee due to how light his coffee color was, but Oikawa liked it sweet. After stirring the hot drink, he grabbed the last of their milk bread supply as a late night snack. He placed his belongings on the table before going into their small office to grab a piece of paper, an envelope, and a pen. Walking back to the kitchen, Oikawa tip-toed quietly so as to not wake Iwa. He sat, took a quick sip of his coffee, and then began to write a letter for Iwaizumi to find at a later time. A letter full of his feelings, thank you-s, and petty grievances. At first, he was unsure of how to even start the letter, but after a few minutes of sitting there with the pen twiddling between his fingers, he finally began to write out his feelings.</p><p>After about an hour of fighting off sleep, Oikawa finished the letter for Iwaizumi and packed it away into the other’s suitcase for space. He hid it deep in his boyfriend’s clothes— hoping that it would be at least a few days before he found and read the letter. He washed the mug and placed it back into the moving box it was originally in before going to bed. He set the alarm for the next day and hugged Iwaizumi as he fell into a light sleep.</p><p>That night, Iwaizumi dreamt of almost every bad scenario that could occur between the two of them. They’d get into a huge argument minutes before blasting off, Oikawa would get into a disastrous accident, the spaceship exploded before it even left the atmosphere, that everyone slowly lost it in space, etc. He didn’t stop moving the entire night, and it made it hard for Oikawa to fully fall into a deep sleep.</p><p>On the other side of the bed, Oikawa only dreamt of positive things. Him and Iwaizumi on a distant planet, prancing through a field of flowers and at peace, the two of them eating dinner and laughing, a scene of a possible meal between him, Bokuto, Akaashi, Kenma, and Kuroo, him and Iwaizumi as kids, him and his parents at a lunch in a park, etc. His dreams brought him nothing but peace, and, even though Iwa wouldn’t stop moving, he never let go of the other male.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!</em>
</p><p>The alarm loudly rang through the bedroom, and both of the boys quickly woke up. “Turn it off, already, Tooru,” Iwa groaned, desperately in need of more sleep due to his lack of it the night before.</p><p>“I’m trying, but my arm keeps missing it,” Oikawa whined back, his hand flailing around as his eyes remained shut. “Got it,” he muttered after finally hitting the off switch.</p><p>“Come on, we gotta get ready,” Iwaizumi said, throwing the covers off of them both. Oikawa quickly brought his legs up to his chest in response— the cold caught him off guard.</p><p>“Iwa, come back in bed with me,” Oikawa whined, tugging on Iwaizumi’s arm to try and coax him back under the covers. Iwaizumi shook the other male off and grabbed his arm to pull him upright.</p><p>“Get up, loser. We need to get ready.”</p><p>Oikawa huffed in response before slowly getting up. “Fine, fine. We do have to move all the dumb boxes into the truck at like 6.” The time was 5:30.</p><p>“Well then come on, let’s hurry.”</p><p>The pair got dressed, a thin layer of clothes so that they would still be able to put on their space suits once they arrived to the station just outside of Tokyo’s city limits. Oikawa had on shorts and leggings with a plain, Star Wars t-shirt that Iwa had bought him two years ago as a birthday present. Iwaizumi had on a similar outfit, but a Godzilla shirt Oikawa gave him for Christmas. Moving down boxes was an easier task than they thought it would be, and they finished in no time.</p><p>“Well. Now we just have our huge suitcases full of stuff we probably won’t need,” Oikawa huffed, blowing a stream of air upward to move his sweaty hair off of his forehead. He was unsuccessful, and after multiple (failed) attempts Iwaizumi just moved it to the side for him. He was tired of hearing Oikawa’s loud breathing.</p><p>“Come on loser, we have about an hour before we have to check in. We can get coffee and milk bread. We haven’t had it in a while.” Iwa looked over at Oikawa, who looked like he was hiding something. “What’s up with the face? You look uglier than usual,” Iwaizumi joked, scrunching up his face to get a rise out of the other.</p><p>“Nothing’s wrong, meanie! I just kind of ate a little last night after you went to bed… that’s all. Promise,” Oikawa replied. He wasn’t lying. On a slightly unrelated note, he was going to miss this banter with Iwaizumi so much.</p><p>As they sat in the car on the way to a bakery near their (as of now) old apartment, Oikawa couldn’t help but think about all the things he was going to miss. Sure, it had been one of the things on his mind for the past few months, but not as much as now. Now it was all he could think about. Thoughts of what he would do without Iwaizumi clouded his mind and created a thunderstorm of feelings of anxiety, sadness, love, anger, and fear.</p><p>Who was going to be there for him?</p><p>Who was going to put up with him the way Iwaizumi did?</p><p>They pulled up to the bakery that had opened only minutes before, and got out of the car together. “Hajime, can you order for me? I’m so tired I don’t know if I can even talk,” Oikawa groaned, rubbing his temples to try and exaggerate his sleepiness. He wasn’t really tired, he just wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone besides Iwaizumi. After receiving a skeptical look from his boyfriend, Oikawa opened his mouth to speak again. “Hajime, pretty, pretty, pretty please?” he asked desperately, drawing out the sound of Iwaizumi’s name, the last pretty, and please. Iwaizumi simply rolled his eyes.</p><p>“I don’t know, man. You seem to be talking just fine to me. Wait, how late did you even stay up, idiot? You know you need to sleep,” Iwaizumi asked, getting off track when he remembered Oikawa mentioning milk bread the night before and now speaking on how tired he (supposedly) was.</p><p>“Well- I mean- I’ll have like forever to sleep in space,” Oikawa grumbled, shooting Iwaizumi a rude glare as they opened the door to the bakery. “Come on, shoo shoo,” he sighed, “order for me, my love,” then motioned for Iwaizumi to go inside with his hands.</p><p>Iwaizumi blushed and Oikawa smirked to himself. Even though they had known each other forever and been together for quite a while, Iwa was still so flustered by Oikawa’s flirting— especially so early in the morning. Why did they have to be there so early, anyway?</p><p>“Good morning!” an older woman chirped from behind the counter, waving at the two boys. They waved with a slight bow as they entered. “What can I get you two on this beautiful day?” she asked them. Her name tag was old and faded, so neither of them could decipher the name written- probably- ages ago.</p><p>“Good morning!” Oikawa replied, matching the happy tone the older woman had used. Iwaizumi looked confused, but he didn’t care much. He knew Oikawa was more of a people person than he was, so Oikawa typically did the talking at places anyway— thus why he was so confused by the boy’s request before they walked in. Part of him knew that his boyfriend would end up ordering for both of them- without asking Iwaizumi what he wanted- anyway. It didn’t matter much that he didn’t ask to Iwa though, because Oikawa had known him long enough to know what he ordered from basically anywhere.</p><p>“Well, good morning,” the older woman repeated and laughed. Oikawa shoot her a flashy grin and she blushed. <em>Typical of him to try to woo anyone with a brain,</em> Iwaizumi thought. It worked though— for Iwaizumi especially.</p><p>“Good morning, ma’am. I’ll get a medium latte with extra sugar and then a piece of your finest milk bread, and then my friend here-” he motioned towards Iwa- “will have a red eye and a piece of milk bread as well. Thank you!” He smiled at the woman and then stepped back with Iwaizumi to sit at a table while they waited for their breakfast. They sat there staring at each other in comfortable silence. Oikawa scanned Iwaizumi’s entire upper body with his eyes— desperately trying to engrain the image into his mind so he could never forget it. Sure, he would have pictures, but he wanted to remember it in his own mind.</p><p>He started with Iwaizumi’s head, staring at the boy’s short, spiked hair that he had had since they were children. He went down, staring at his eyes— a dark olive green that looked brown in most lightings, but were plant green in the light. Oikawa had always liked the kaleidoscope of colors that appeared to lie in Iwa’s eyes. His eyes went lower, arriving at Iwaizumi’s nose. He thought of the way he scrunched it when he got mad, and how cute he thought Iwaizumi looked when it happened. Going farther, he landed on his lips. The soft lips he was going to miss kissing whenever he felt like it.</p><p>The boys waited for about five more minutes before the older woman told them their order was ready. Oikawa stood up to go grab it and brought it over to the table he and Iwaizumi were previously at.</p><p>“Come on, let’s go. We can eat in the car,” Oikawa told Iwaizumi, motioning towards the door with a tilt of his head. Iwa nodded, gave a wave and friendly smile to the old woman, and walked out of the bakery doors with Oikawa.</p><p>Twenty minutes in the car passed, and they arrived at the station. It was almost seven in the morning, and both males had finished their coffee and bread. The radio had been playing quietly throughout the car ride, and the pair had sat in near silence due to not being able to vocalize the disarray of emotions and thoughts flying through their heads. Iwaizumi shut off the radio before sighing, his eyes glancing over to Oikawa.</p><p>“I’m going to miss you, Iwa,” Oikawa suddenly said milliseconds after Iwaizumi finally reached for the door’s handle. He stepped out, went around to Oikawa’s side, opened the door, and bent down.</p><p>“I’m going to miss you, too, Tooru,” Iwaizumi sighed, reaching up to caress Oikawa’s cheek with his left hand. With his right, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a box— an engagement band. “I know we won’t have a chance to even get married- and I know we haven’t really discussed it, but I definitely don’t want to break up…but I guess that doesn’t matter? Because of the distance I guess? Anyway- I’m rambling, huh? Anyway, Oikawa Tooru, please accept this wedding band as a symbol of our relationship. Maybe one day we’ll meet again, and even if we don’t, a part of me will always be with you through memory— and the band of course. Please accept the band, stupid.”</p><p>“Of course I’ll take the stupid band, stupid,” Oikawa laughed through tears, he had started crying about halfway through Iwaizumi’s speech, and he was a hot mess of emotions.</p><p>Oikawa reached out and grabbed the box from Iwaizumi, who quickly snatched it back while giving him a nasty look. “I’m putting it on your hand, idiot. That’s how this works,” Iwaizumi scolded. Oikawa just tried to laugh, but it came out as a nasty snort— to which Iwaizumi scrunched his face. “Nasty.”</p><p>“Shut it. I love you. I wish I got you something, too,” Oikawa lied. He knew about the letter in his boyfriend(/fiancé?)’s suitcase. Of course, Iwaizumi wouldn’t find out until a later date, but who knew when that would be? For all he knew, it would be years until Iwa finally found the letter he wrote when they were young, in love, and on Earth.</p><p>“You don’t have to get me anything,” Iwaizumi blushed, turning his head to the side and rubbing the back of his neck. “But come on, we’re going to be late and we’ll never hear the end of it.”</p><p>With that, the pair walked up to the space station- hand in hand, tears streaming down the both of their cheeks due to their upcoming separation and Iwaizumi’s proposal, and Oikawa hiccuping every so often- and each took a deep breath before entering the building to compose themselves.</p><p>“OIKAWA-SAN!” a slightly high voice yelled. It was Hinata Shoyo, waving at him from about five meters away. Everyone who was going to go up into space was in the lobby, awaiting the arrival of the last couple before going through the metal detectors.</p><p>“Shoyo-kun!” he replied back, waving and ignoring the boy’s boyfriend on his right. “Oh. Hello to you, too, Tobio,” he quickly added after a nasty look from Iwaizumi.</p><p>Iwaizumi gently nudged Oikawa’s shoulder, trying to tell him they needed to get a move on. It was 7:15, and they were over the check-in time. “Why so late?” Sugawara asked the pair, an eyebrow raised. Maybe the disheveled appearance of Oikawa led the rest of their coworkers to believe the pair did something in the car so early in the morning, but the pair of them knew the real reason.</p><p>“Because <em>someone</em> was proposing,” Oikawa droned, raising his hand up to show the newly placed band on his finger.</p><p>“WHOA! THAT’S SO COOL!” Bokuto yelled, running to Oikawa then jumping on him from the side to hug him as a congratulations. Everyone else gave their congratulations to the pair, knowing how hard they were taking the split, and decided not to rush this heartfelt moment that seemed to be out of a movie. There was a group hug involved, tears from Bokuto and Kuroo- though Oikawa was unsure whether they were real or not, and even Kenma took a break from sitting on his suitcase playing Animal Crossing to congratulate them.</p><p>“Alright come on guys, let’s get going,” Akaashi told the group, flapping his hands to shove them towards the mountains of security they’d have to get through. First, the metal detector.</p><p>Bokuto had to retry going through about a million tries— not because he had any weapons, but because he kept forgetting to take things out of his pockets (keys, coins, etc.). Kenma went through in about two seconds, eager to get his hands back on his game before having to completely suit up. Kageyama and Hinata timed each other for some reason, trying to see who could go through and collect their personal items the fastest. Akaashi, Daichi, Suga, and Kuroo casually walked through. Oikawa went through just a split second before Iwaizumi, but they went through hand in hand.</p><p>After more security measures, the group walked into a large locker room which contained their specialized suits for their last mission. For some reason, the higher ups allowed them all to select their own personal colors for the suits. Oikawa and Iwaizumi got teal (Oikawa’s choice), Kenma and Kuroo got red, Bokuto and Akaashi got black- along with Daichi and Suga, and Kageyama and Hinata got orange (which, to Oikawa, looked horrible with Hinata’s hair). While it was funny that everyone wanted to match, it was cute at the same time; however, it made Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s upcoming loneliness even more real.</p><p>It felt as though a ticking time-bomb was slowly clicking in their heads. The presence of couples all around them spending time together with no fear of what was to come only amplified the noise <em>tick-tick-tick</em>-ing through their minds. What was to come of their relationship? Just how good was the service in outer space?</p><p>“Come on, Iwaizumi-san!” Hinata called out, waving to Oikawa’s boyfriend. The shorter boy was struggling to get his suit past his legs, and he was glaring daggers at Kageyama who was across the room smirking. “Stupid, Tobio! I was talking! You had to stop when I did. That isn’t fair!” he groaned, finally getting his legs into the equipment.</p><p>“You have less body anyway! I should get more time, if anything! Not my fault you’re slow!” Kageyama shot back, everyone watching as the pair argued over such an infantile subject.</p><p>The group was all too used to the couple’s constant bickering over silly things, but the cute moments spent between them when they weren’t arguing made up for it. Everyone remembered how competitive they were even before they got together, and the never-ending rivalry they had carried over into their relationship. The biggest- and probably funniest- example of their competitiveness, would probably be when the group was out at a bar and drunk. Kageyama and Hinata had been challenging each other to do silly things all night, but at one point Hinata snapped and said “Damn you, Tobio! I’m in lo-” and couldn’t even finish because Kageyama cut him off and told him he was in love with him first. The night ended for everyone once they started making out— still completely drunk. Oikawa had called a cab for them since the two youngest shared an apartment. The tension between them had been growing for a while, so there was an ongoing bet between the older couples on who would confess first. Sugawara, Oikawa, Kenma, and Bokuto had thought it would be Hinata and won. Daichi, Iwaizumi, Kuroo, and Akaashi had their bets on Kageyama and had to pay their respective partners five bucks each.</p><p>After everyone was suited up, they prepared to leave for their ships. It was then that Oikawa began to cry. “Hajime!” he yelled, jumping onto Iwaizumi and throwing his arms around him. His helmet was abandoned on the bench just outside the locker room, and his tears were being deflected from the water-resistant material on Iwaizumi’s suit. In the eyes of everyone else, Oikawa really was a dramatic crier. He ugly sobbed all the time when he was drunk over stupid things, but now that he had a reason to be upset the tears were even uglier.</p><p>“Calm down, I’m here, I’m here,” Iwaizumi promised, knowing all too well that in just minutes he would no longer be able to say such a thing. “Stop crying, everyone’s staring. They’re gonna know what a baby you are, and that’s just embarrassing,” Iwaizumi joked, removing his boyfriend’s face from his shoulder and wiping the tears from his face with a single swipe of his thumb. A single tear slipped out of his own eye, which Oikawa removed. They exchanged sad smiles, knowing what was coming at lightning speed. Everything was becoming all too real all too quick.</p><p>They hugged for a while, soaking in the last few moments of their embrace with the other, before Oikawa (unknowingly) said his last spoken words to Iwaizumi. “When you look at the stars, I hope you think of me,” he whispered into Iwaizumi’s ear, sending chills up his spine, before turning around and trudging off towards his group. Leave it to Oikawa to have a meltdown in front of everyone just to act like it never happened.</p><p>“Are you okay, Tooru-san?” Akaashi asked quietly as the five in their group walked towards their final briefing of their mission. He was hand in hand with Bokuto, who seemed blissfully unaware of almost anything besides the younger male’s hand in his own.</p><p>“I’ll be fine. Thank you, Kei-chan,” Oikawa lied. He didn’t want his group to worry about him. He’d have time to talk to Iwaizumi over message. Long distance couldn’t be that hard, right? “Bokkun, how are you on this fine morning?” he asked the other, desperately wanting a happy take on life.</p><p>“So good! I’m here with all of you- especially YOU, Keiji- and I’m so excited to go back into space! We’re going to have so much fun!” he exclaimed, almost forgetting that Oikawa wasn’t going to be with the person he loved the most. “Oh, but I guess you’re sad about Iwaizumi, huh?”</p><p>“Oh- um- yeah,” Oikawa stuttered. He hadn’t really wanted to talk about the boy. He just wanted distractions. “So! Kenma-san! What game have you been playing? Did you bring Smash? Or Mario Kart 8? Or-”</p><p>“Yes, I brought them,” Kozume sighed, not looking up from his game, “I’m playing Animal Crossing.” He didn’t quite look up, only stared at the game and occasionally his and Kuroo’s feet to make sure he wasn’t going to run into anything. He had gotten quite good at the skill— gaming while walking was a specialty of his.</p><p>“Nice! Maybe we can play later,” Oikawa suggested, receiving nothing more than a weak ‘<em>mm</em>’ from Kozume in response.</p><p>After finally being done trying to make conversation, they group sat at a round table in their conference room. The director would be there any minute now to give them the final pieces of information they would need for their journey. Oikawa kept glancing at the clock on the wall and wondering what Iwaizumi was doing.</p><p>After a few minutes of small talk between the group, their director, Takeda, walked in. He was an averagely built man with short, somewhat curly black hair. He constantly had on glasses, which led Oikawa to view him as the pinnacle of wisdom for some reason. Takeda cleared his throat and opened up his laptop before sitting down at the head of the round table. Not one of the five astronauts had any idea what new information could be given to them, but they sat in wait regardless.</p><p>“Good morning, everyone!” Director Takeda chirped, a bright smile on his face. The assistant director, Ukai, had slipped in and gave the group a wave before going to stand in the back. “I know we told you there was no new information, but in the past few days we’ve realized that we’ve neglected to give you a piece of information. For starters, and a refresher for those of you who don’t have a stupendous memory-” everyone stared at Bokuto, who looked lost- “your ships will have a small area to grow plants and such- vegetables, fruits, roots, et cetera- and of course the large supply of astronaut type food to get you through your journey.” Takeda stopped talking, a grave look taking over his once joyful expression.</p><p>“I know we told you that there was a chance you’d never see the others, but… due to recent technology we’ve worked on for the past few months- we didn’t want to say anything in case it didn’t work out!-” he quickly added the last part after seeing the confused, shocked, and offended looks on everyone’s faces, “I know, I know, we didn’t mention anything. Anyway. In the event that something goes wrong with either group’s space craft, there’s an emergency switch located here,” he stopped to point at the presentation board behind him. The switch was located near the main console, and it seemed to be a large red button. <em>Cliché</em>, Oikawa thought. “In the event that you must click this button, you’ll be immediately transported to the hurt ship’s coordinates. Similarly, if you hit the black button to the left of it, you’ll alert the other group that you’re in need of assistance. The science is a little too confusing to explain in such a short time, but you have to know that this is only a one time thing. If you use this button, it’ll completely throw you off your track. It’ll probably take ages for you to reach your new settlement, and who knows how long the food would last if you had to allow the other group on your ship? Please remember that this is only to be used in the most dire of circumstances. Anyway. That’s it for today’s debriefing. I hope you all have a safe journey, and I’ll never forget this fine group of men!” Takeda exclaimed, tears in his eyes.</p><p>The rest of the group had tears as well, but each for their own personal reasons. Kenma had gotten kicked in the shin by Kuroo for playing games under the table during the debriefing, Kuroo and Bokuto were touched by Takeda’s words, Akaashi was feeling empathetic for Oikawa, and Oikawa was thinking about his separation from Iwaizumi.</p><p>With the meeting ending, everyone began to collect their bags. The boys all stood- wiping away their tears and acting like they were never crying in the first place- and walked towards the door. The metal door seemed to laugh at Oikawa— a symbol of his changing life. After he stepped through the door with the others, he would be officially moving on from a life with Iwaizumi.</p><p>“Come on, ‘Kawa,” Kuroo called, walking through the metal door highlighted by a ring of sunlight. Kenma was inches away from him, about to walk through as well with his switch in hand. Oikawa sighed, glancing at the door he had walked through originally, and trying not to remind himself of the separation from Iwa. Akaashi put his hand on Oikawa’s shoulder and pushed him forward.</p><p>The sun was rising over the mountains in the distance, and the stars were slowly fading from the partially dark blue sky. The twinkling bodies above seemed to taunt Oikawa and his statement to Iwaizumi. “<em>Think of me?</em>” he thought. What kind of parting words were those? Then again, in space Iwaizumi would be surrounded by stars, and he would be constantly thinking of Oikawa. The thought warmed Oikawa’s heart. Warmth from the sun’s rays planted gentle kisses on the boys’ cheeks, and they all shivered from the morning cold on their face as they walked along the metal bridge that went up to the space ship.</p><p>The thunking of their thick, heavy boots rang through their heads and suddenly, a future in space was becoming a reality rather than a mere concept. Walking up the stairs was a challenge due to the heaviness of their equipment and luggage, but they all trudged along— a mixture of eagerness to see their new living spaces and anxiety for the journey to come flooded their minds.</p><p>“WHOA! CHECK OUT THE ROOMS!” Bokuto exclaimed, dropping his luggage in the craft’s entrance and grabbing onto Akaashi’s hand. His boyfriend simply laughed at the child-like wonder that lie in the other’s eyes and went along with him.</p><p>The excitement that Bokuto had led Oikawa to wonder what was so special about the rooms, so he went off on his own. Not like he had anyone’s hand to grab in excitement. He rolled his luggage through the metallic hallway and listened as it clicked on the floor. He scanned the doors— inspecting where everything was at. Kitchen. Bokuto Koutarou. Akaashi Keiji. Kozume Kenma. Tetsorou Kuroo. Finally, he arrived to a door labeled Oikawa Tooru. Opening the door, he was greeted with a fresh scent of cleaning supplies.</p><p>“Whoa,” he mumbled, abandoning the handle of his suitcase and allowing it to fall over on the floor with a loud thud. The floor was metal but had a blue rug, there was an almost king-size bed that could fold into the wall, a large window with a curtain, and a large closet that could hold all of his clothes— though, Oikawa was unsure how often he’d be able to wear his normal clothing. Along one of the walls was a desk with a computer, and he ran over to it after remembering one of the meetings that said the computers could be used to contact the other space craft in non-emergency settings.</p><p>There was a note stuck on the screen that read “username: toikawa94 / password: ot072094.” The handwriting appeared to be that of Director Takeda, and he quickly typed in the information using the keyboard in front of him— <em>click-click-click-click-click</em>. He hit the enter key and was greeted with a screen that listed multiple other usernames. Based on what he saw, he assumed that Iwaizumi’s username was hiwaizumi94.</p><p>“HELLO HAJIME I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU PLEASE RESPOND QUICKLY I WANT TO TALK TO YOU AS SOON AS I CAN AS LONG AS I CAN THANK YOU OK J LOVE YOJ BYE,” he quickly typed, his fingers fumbling as he moved along. After hitting send, he skipped off to the almost living room like space in the center of the ship. Knowing that Iwaizumi was only a text away made things somewhat easier for him.</p><p>“Bokkun,” Oikawa sing-songed as he entered the room. Bokuto had been laying on Akaashi’s lap as his boyfriend read.</p><p>“Tooru!” Bokuto exclaimed, lifting his head from Akaashi’s lap and hitting his head on the book. “Ow,” he muttered, “So! What’s up, ‘Kawa? Finally up to hanging out with us?” Bokuto asked, a large, genuine grin on his face.</p><p>“Sure! What do you guys want to do?” Oikawa asked, a smile on his face as well. He was still slightly hurt over leaving Iwaizumi, but he believed it might be easier to handle if he was around friends. “Oh! Let’s play Mario Kart. Kenma said he brought it!”</p><p>“Yeah!” Bokuto agreed, before glancing at Akaashi who shook his head. “Why the look, Keiji?” asked Bokuto, a sad look now on his face after being told no by his boyfriend.</p><p>“Because. Testu and Kenma are in Tetsu’s room doing who knows what,” Akaashi sighed, placing his chin on Bokuto’s shoulder. Oikawa shuddered in disgust at what Akaashi was suggesting and tried to rid his head of the image. “But, you can try if you want, ‘Kawa,” Akaashi teased.</p><p>“No thanks! I’ll just go- um- sit in my room until the five minute blast-off countdown starts,” he muttered. Akaashi nodded, and Bokuto placed his head back down on his boyfriend’s lap. Oikawa walked back to his room, feeling lonelier than ever as he sat down on his barely-not-king-size bed. Just as he had laid down, there was a pinging noise coming from the computer. Oikawa sat up in curiosity, and then got up to check what the noise was signaling.</p><p>A notification flashed on his screen- a box with tiny letters- indicating a new message from Iwaizumi. He quickly typed his password in and read the message to himself: “hey tooru :) i love and miss you too. we’re probably gonna get the buckle up announcement soon so i’ll yk message you again once we’re in orbit. i wonder how good the service in space is?” Oikawa realized that Iwaizumi was referencing a conversation they had had in the past and laughed quietly. A single tear slipped down his cheek, and he was glad that- even with distance- he would be able to talk to Iwaizumi just like he always did.</p><p>“‘KAWA! THE COUNTDOWN STARTED HURRY UP!” Bokuto yelled from the center room. Everyone was strapping their belongings down and placing their helmets on their heads. Akaashi slipped his own on before looking over and tugging Bokuto’s sleeve to remind him to put on his own. The black-white haired male smiled at his boyfriend and put on his own— glancing over at Kuroo and Kenma as they put on their own respective helmets.</p><p>“Whoa, nice hair, Kenma,” Oikawa exclaimed, noticing the french-braids that trailed down the side of Kenma’s hair. It cut off at his ears and was tied into small pig-tails that blended in with the portion of his hair that wasn’t braided. The mixture of blonde and brunette meshed in a cool way due to the hairstyle, and Oikawa wondered if whoever braided Kenma’s hair could braid his, too.</p><p>“Thanks, Kuro did it,” Kenma said nonchalantly, sealing his helmet onto the suit.</p><p>Everyone was ready to go, so they all walked towards their seats around the wide, circular table. Each chair had nice cushioning, seatbelts, a high neck, and arm rests. Every one of the crew members had been a part of one or more missions in the past, but the feeling one got when leaving the atmosphere was still jarring and something to <em>not</em> look forward to. Buckling up took longer than expected, but once everyone was finished, they sat in wait.</p><p>Out of nowhere, a loud whoosh-ing noise was heard by the group, and they all looked at each other in confusion. “Other group, probably,” Akaashi muttered, but it was heard clearly by everyone due to the headset in their helmets.</p><p>“Whoa, that’s pretty BEEP cool,” Kuroo exclaimed. “Wait, what the BEEP? Am I getting BEEP censored? Is that just in my ear or can you guys hear this BEEP, too?”</p><p>“No, Kuro. Just you. That’s weird,” Kenma lied, his eyes closing inside of his helmet as he smirked to himself. Clearly, he just wanted to get a rise out of Kuroo.</p><p>“Kenma-san, I hear the beeps too, though?” Bokuto questioned, wondering if he too had some broken headset or if Kuroo was truly being censored.</p><p>“That’s weird. I don’t hear it,” Oikawa lied, glancing over at Kenma as he said it. Kenma laughed inside of his helmet, the echo ringing out through everyone else’s.</p><p>“Yeah, I think it’s just you two,” Akaashi frowned, a look of disbelief on his face as his eyes went back and forth between Kuroo and Bokuto. “I’m with Kenma and ‘Kawa on this one, Kou- sorry,” he added, after seeing the sad eyes the other gave him. Oikawa’s nose wrinkled in disgust at their cutesy relationship.</p><p> </p><p>Ten.</p><p>There it was. The end of the beginning of the end. It was finally time for them to leave Earth. What was to come? Would Oikawa lose his mind after being after two couples so lovey-dovey all the time? Well, Kuroo and Kozume weren’t the biggest on PDA, but it was still gross. He sat in his chair, restrained by his fears (and his seatbelt), and glanced around at the two couples sitting around him. This would be so much easier for him if Iwaizumi was around. Unfortunately, he wasn’t.</p><p> </p><p>Nine.</p><p>Why did he even become an astronaut in the first place? He wouldn’t have been in this situation had he picked some other profession. Maybe he should have listened to his mom when she told him to be an author. Maybe he should have listened to his sister when she told him to work for her at her accounting firm. Maybe he should have listened to his teacher who told him to become a doctor and help people. Countless ‘what-ifs?’ flooded his mind, and, as he sat in the chair, he imagined what his future could have been like had he chosen any one of his other career options.</p><p> </p><p>Eight.</p><p>He thought of Iwaizumi. They’d been together since they were children. First, they were just neighbors. Then, they became friends. Then, best friends. Then, Oikawa fell in love with Iwaizumi and- unbeknownst to the other at the time- vice versa. What was he going to do now that his other half was going to be millions of light years away? How would he get by knowing that his friends surrounding him were completed by their significant other, and his was all alone?</p><p> </p><p>Seven.</p><p>He thought of his family. He thought of his mother; the way she would cook a plethora of food for he and Iwaizumi when he came home no matter what she had been doing during the day. He thought of his sister; the way she had always encouraged him to do what he thought was right for himself and his future. He thought of his dad; the way he took him camping when he was younger and showed him the stars— the night that sparked his love for space and the celestial bodies that lie in the vast unknown. He thought of Takeru; the way he would never see him succeed in volleyball— Oikawa knew he would, he had that much faith in his nephew’s skill.</p><p> </p><p>Six. Five. Four. Three.</p><p>He thought of the future he could have had with Iwaizumi had things been different. They could have gotten married— for real. They could have gotten a house. A dog- or cat- and named it something stupid. They could have adopted children, maybe. They could have had all these things that people viewed as a family, and it wouldn’t have meant a thing to either of them. All that mattered to them was the other, and now, they didn’t have that.</p><p> </p><p>Two.</p><p>He was without Iwaizumi.</p><p> </p><p>One.</p><p>He desperately wanted to hear him say, “I’m here,” just once more.</p><p> </p><p>The roaring of the ship blasted through the crew’s eardrums. “THOUGHT I WAS USED TO IT, BUT I GUESS NOT!” Bokuto yelled into the helmet, his voice straining as they rose into the air and broke through the atmosphere. Oikawa swore he heard a distant ping, but he ignored it due to the fact that he was a bit preoccupied at that moment.</p><p>Everyone laughed at Bokuto before grimacing at the lurching feeling that plagued their stomachs. Kuroo made a weird groaning noise, and Akaashi just sat there with an uncomfortable look on his face. Soon, the feeling melted away, and the earth was a distant blob of blue, green, and white. Everyone sighed and smiled at each other; another successful exit from the atmosphere.</p><p>“Alright, I guess we can… unstrap now?”</p><p>The clicking of the belts rang throughout the the ship, and each boy arose slowly— all of them trying to get re-accustomed to the feeling of no gravity. Akaashi floated over to the button that would simulate the feeling of gravity, and everyone took hold of something nearby so they wouldn’t drop to the ground.</p><p>“Get ready,” he said, “one… two… three.”</p><p>They all dropped and let go of their makeshift handles before going on to do their own separate things. Kozume and Kuroo went to the kitchen, Bokuto and Akaashi went to the latter’s room, and Oikawa almost sprinted to his room to reply to Iwaizumi.</p><p>The message was just a random description of what was going on in their ship, and Oikawa laughed as he read and replied. Iwaizumi replied back in a matter of minutes, and the two chatted until they each decided to call it a night.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>DAY 43</strong>
</p><p>It had been about two weeks since Oikawa had received a message from Iwaizumi. It was beginning to hit him hard. Every time he saw Bokuto and Akaashi being sappy or Kuroo and Kozume fake arguing over something stupid just to end up cuddling made his heart ache for Iwaizumi.</p><p>Every night, he stared at the computer and desperately hoped that the once familiar pinging would be heard. After a long night of staring at the computer, he fell asleep at the desk. Unfortunately for Oikawa, the noise wouldn’t be heard for a while.</p><p>The next morning, he ate breakfast with his crew mates. Bokuto and Kuroo almost broke something, and Akaashi and Kenma had to drag them away from the appliances. Breakfast was chaotic, per the norm, and being surrounded by friends helped Oikawa’s overwhelming sense of loneliness that was beginning to plague his entire being.</p><p>
  <strong>DAY 162</strong>
</p><p>It’d been a month since Iwaizumi’s most recent message. Even though Oikawa had tried texting back seconds after hearing the pinging from his computer, it had been a while since the noise he longed to hear graced his ears.</p><p>
  <strong>DAY 162 (IWAIZUMI)</strong>
</p><p>He found the letter. After finally running out of clothes, he hit the bottom of the suitcase. At first he was confused, and stared at the envelope with the lettering for his name written. He knew it was Oikawa’s handwriting, yet he was confused as to why it was in his bag. Did he really write a letter for him before he left? He’d have to read it and write a message to Oikawa. Who knew when he would get it and reply, though.</p><p>After sitting down on the bed, Iwaizumi took a deep breath as he shut his eyes to prepare himself for the contents of the message.</p><p>
  <em>hajime,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>im writing this in the dead of night and you’re already asleep. im currently eating milk bread and drinking coffee, and im probably going to put this in your suitcase for you to find eventually. hopefully it’s later on and not like two days into your trip. for starters i want to tell you a story. a story you know, but i want you to experience it from my point of view. :)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>growing up i had a ton of friends. so many friends. i was so great at making friends. i was always hanging out with someone new but once you moved in next to me you were suddenly the only one i wanted to hang out with. suddenly no one else mattered. once when we were children, i told my mom i wanted to marry you and she kind of laughed it off. to be honest i dont remember that, but she told me about it the day i told her we were dating. she said she always knew it would happen. that we were “perfect for each other” or “meant for each other” and i agree. we compliment each other so well, and the fact that i may never see you again has been consuming me more than you know.</em>
</p><p><em>i love you so much, hajime. i know i’ve always said it so often in every setting imaginable, but i’d rather say it too often that not enough. i hope you truly know how much i love you— seriously. i love you the way icarus loved the sun; a type of love that you would allow yourself to die from. even knowing the risks, hajime, i would chase after you forever. i love you the way the moon loves the sun; going into hiding every day and savoring that split second where they share the sky together. i love you the way Orpheus loved Eurydice; a love so strong that i would travel even into the depths of the underworld for you. a love so strong that i would have to risk making sure you followed me back into the light. i love you the way that you love stupid movies like godzilla, and i love you the way i love space. i love looking at you. i love hearing your voice; your laugh; your touch. i love everything, hajime. i love everything, and im going to miss everything. im going to miss your hugs, your smile, and the way you would put your hand on my cheek in your sleep (though you probably didn’t even know you did that</em> <em>HAHA). im going to miss singing to you and hearing your shower songs that you swear aren’t sung. im going to miss the gentle glances we would share. going to miss kissing you just because i can. im going to miss all these things, and im trying to convince myself that even if we aren’t together it won’t matter, because you’re a part of me. after all these years, you’re in my heart, hajime. i think you have to be. i’ve never looked at anyone else the way i’ve looked at you. the mere thought of feeling this strongly for anyone else feels sacrilegious, and for even considering that possibility i apologize. i love you, hajime. i love you, i love you, i love you. the years we’ve spent have been so amazing that as a child i couldn’t imagine a future with anyone else. i still can’t. it’s always going to be you, iwa. it always has been, and it always will be. i’ll never look at anyone else the way i look at you, and no matter what happens it will always be you that resides in the depths of my heart, soul, and mind. you’ll always be here with me, hajime. always.</em></p><p>
  <em>always and forever yours,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>oikawa tooru.</em>
</p><p>Iwaizumi read the letter a million times. Each time brought more tears to his eyes as he realized the complexity of Oikawa’s feelings for him. At that moment, he longed to smother the other with kisses and love— for until now, he had never felt so seen, loved, and appreciated. He knew Oikawa had always felt strongly for him; as the letter stated, the sender constantly told Iwaizumi how he felt. There was never a doubt in Iwa’s mind that Oikawa loved him, but this letter showed all the little things that Iwaizumi could have never guessed were running through his boyfriend’s mind.</p><p>He sobbed and laughed as he read the letter. Hinata came in to ask him if he was okay. He told the younger boy that he was fine, and then he went over to his computer to begin composing his own letter to send back. It was a mere draft, because he didn’t know exactly what he wanted to say, but all he knew was that he had to tell Oikawa he loved him back— at least once more.</p><p>
  <strong>DAY 426</strong>
</p><p>It’d been a year since Oikawa received a message from Iwaizumi, and he was beginning to worry he would never hear from him again. Was this how it ended? Was this the end of their love? Would they ever be able to reach each other again? The thought of never reading another message from Iwaizumi scared Oikawa, but he tried to brush the thought away by hanging out with his crew.</p><p>Knowing his situation, the other two couples tried to dial back on their PDA in front of Oikawa. This made his feelings worse. He was being pitied, and he felt ostracized.</p><p>His mental state was beginning to plummet. The other four males tried to remind him of how close they were to their destination, but it didn’t lift his spirits. Did a new planet to live on mean anything if Iwaizumi wasn’t there with him? Did accepting the change mean that he was leaving Iwaizumi in the dust behind him? He couldn’t just give up on their relationship. Sure, they weren’t really talking, but Oikawa was still in love with him.</p><p>
  <strong>DAY 426 (IWAIZUMI)</strong>
</p><p>The engine was failing. Kageyama and Hinata worked relentlessly everyday, but nothing was working. Daichi and Sugawara aided in their attempts, but, seeing as Iwaizumi was solely there for the actual act of tracking their course, he felt useless.</p><p>If Oikawa was there, he would tell Iwaizumi he wasn’t worthless That he had a purpose for being there, and that the crew needed him. He’d remind him of the things he managed to forget. He would tell him that he was appreciated.</p><p>Of course, this wasn’t possible. Iwaizumi sighed as he sat in his chair. They were so far from their destination, and now he wasn’t sure if they would even make it at all.</p><p>That evening, he began to actually write the letter to Oikawa. He had to. If not now, then when?</p><p>
  <strong>DAY 513</strong>
</p><p>The ringing began at around 12:46. No one knew what the noise was. Kenma was the first to the control room, and he figured out that it was the other ship’s destress call.</p><p>Oikawa’s heart dropped from his chest. It couldn’t be…could it? Part of him hoped it was, because then he would be with Iwaizumi again. The more sensible part of him scolded him, because Iwaizumi was in danger and going to them would throw the ship off course.</p><p>Everyone put their suits and helmets on, then sat in their chairs to discuss. “Guys, we have to help them,” Oikawa pleaded, his hands violently shaking around in a frenzy. He needed to help Iwaizumi. He didn’t care if they could end up off course or low on food and supplies. Anything for Iwaizumi.</p><p>“Tooru, we have to be sensible about this,” Kenma sighed, not wanting to hastily agree with the emotional male. Risking the entire mission just because of a possibly accidental destress call wasn’t reason to panic. “We have to stay calm. Besides, what if the call is false? Or an accident? Takeda didn’t say that we could stop it, he just said we could start it. There’s a chance that whatever made them start the call is over, and there’s a chance it was never there in the first place.”</p><p>“We also have to think about THEM! If it were us, wouldn’t you want them to come?” Oikawa yelled, his helmet clouding from his emotional outburst. “We can’t just deal with all of these what-ifs and hope they’re okay! I can’t live knowing that Hajime is dead and it’s my fault!”</p><p>“Tooru-san, please, calm down. I understand where you’re coming from, but don’t you think you’re being rash? You only mentioned Iwaizumi, not the others. Is your motivation for wanting to go for him or all of them? Please, reevaluate your thought process,” Akaashi added, obviously siding with Kenma. An uncomfortable feeling took hold of the room’s air— tension that could have been sliced with a knife. It was slowly suffocating all of them, and after Akaashi’s blunt command.</p><p>“I hate to be the third against you, ‘Kawa, but I wouldn’t want them to come if it were me.” All eyes turned to Kuroo, who looked extremely uncomfortable for not only breaking the silence, but disagreeing with Oikawa’s stance. “If we were to accidentally hit the button- or even hit it on purpose- I wouldn’t want them to come. We would use up all of their supplies, we’d completely throw them off course, and we’d have nowhere to stay. Them coming would be more detrimental for themselves than helpful for us— I wouldn’t want <em>that</em> on my conscience.”</p><p>“Well then,” Oikawa conceded, bitterly sucking his teeth in a mixture of anger, sadness, and remorse flooding his gut. Part of him knew the call wasn’t a hoax or an accident. He tried to neglect the feeling, but it remained at the back of his mind. “I guess we won’t be going.”</p><p>It was clear that everyone was uncomfortable. They each slowly unbuckled their belts, staring at Oikawa intently as they arose from their seats. Oikawa, on the other hand, sat there. He sat and stared at (what appeared to be) nothing, but Kozume could tell that the gears in his mind were turning rapidly. The four of them awkwardly stood at the entrance of the control room, confused about what they should do for their fifth member.</p><p>“Do we just… leave him?” Bokuto whispered to Akaashi, the strangely somber voice sending a chill up his back.</p><p>“I don’t know, Kou,” he replied, glancing over at Kozume and Kuroo for assistance.</p><p>“I think we should just let him be. He’ll be over it soon, probably,” Kozume said, trying to leave the uncomfortable setting and isolate himself for as long as possible. Today had been too stressful for him, and he knew Oikawa wasn’t one to give up on grudges easily.</p><p>“We can each take turns watching him,” Kuroo suggested. That way we know when he leaves.” The other three nodded in agreement, and the persistent beeping of the distress signal continued to echo throughout the metallic walls and halls of the ship.</p><p>The gentle hum of the craft was overshadowed by the other ship’s call, and each beep rang through Oikawa’s chest. His cheeks were burning red, and his eyes and cheeks were soaked with tears. Iwaizumi could be dead, and it would be his fault. He didn’t fight hard enough.</p><p>
  <strong>DAY 513 (IWAIZUMI)</strong>
</p><p>The morning had been normal. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Everyone ate breakfast together, laughed together, played card games together. The sense of normalcy was unnerving.</p><p>The past month had been spent fretting over the engine and hoping that one day, Kageyama and Hinata would succeed in their futile attempts to fix it.</p><p>The normalcy should have been their warning.</p><p>At around 10:23, something in Iwaizumi clicked. The domestic interactions between them that would’ve been in character on Earth were out of place. The engine wasn’t fixed, so where was the anxiety that had taken capture of them? After explaining to the crew what he felt, the others admitted to their skepticism as well.</p><p>Kageyama and Hinata went out to check on the ship’s exterior, and they found that the bump everyone felt the night before was a meteor. A huge gash scarred the ship’s metallic outside, and that was the final blow.</p><p>After running the logistics, Daichi found that they didn’t have long and should call the others for help immediately. No one wanted to be responsible enough to hit the button. The stress that would come from hoping the other’s would rescue them was unbearable, but eventually someone hit it; though, they were unsure who it was in the end.</p><p> </p><p>They didn’t come.</p><p> </p><p>Iwaizumi looked out through the window and saw the stars. He smiled as a tear rolled down his cheek. <em>I’m here,</em> he thought.</p><p> </p><p>The ship exploded. It was nothing but a mere blip in the grand scheme of the universe, yet, to Oikawa, it would be so much more. The metal shot out around space, littering the spotless black sprinkled with bright lights of stars— the same stars that Oikawa had told Iwaizumi to look at and think of him.</p><p>Oikawa would never know what thoughts ran through Iwa’s mind in his final seconds. He would never know what Iwaizumi’s last words to him were. He would never know what growing old with him looked like. All of these hopes and dreams were put to death along with Iwaizumi’s soul.</p><p>
  <strong>DAY 514</strong>
</p><p>The beeping stopped. Oikawa unbuckled. He went to his room. He took off his suit and helmet. He sat down on his bed and cried. He cried for hours on end. Suddenly, his life no longer had meaning.</p><p> </p><p>When the beeping stopped, Oikawa felt a part of himself die.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DAY 1,009</strong>
</p><p>They arrived. Planet X-713AB6. It needed a new name, according to Bokuto.</p><p>It was “June 27” on Planet X; in Earth days, of course. The planet itself had a terrain resembling that of Iceland. Thousands of mountains, lowlands, fjords, and plateaus littered the land. When they arrived, they were told they could take off their helmets, because the atmosphere was safe like Earth’s.</p><p>Oikawa didn’t find joy in the planet the way the other’s did. They had future’s to look forward to, and he didn’t. They had someone to spend the rest of their days with, and he didn’t. They had someone who they could love, confide in, and cherish for the rest of their lives and have those same feelings reciprocated— he didn’t.</p><p>The beauty that surrounded him meant nothing due to the absence of Iwaizumi, and he simply stood in the gentle wind as his friends walked towards the greeting’s tent— imagining the wind’s touch was the soft pads of Iwaizumi’s fingertips instead. He opened his eyes, a shocking and brutal reminder of his loneliness, and cried. He dropped to the ground and sobbed. The grass of Planet X served as a pillow for his knees, and he allowed himself to weep over everything he had been holding in. He was lonely. He was responsible for Iwaizumi’s probable death. He was never going to find someone like Iwaizumi again.</p><p>Would he even love them as strongly as he loved Iwaizumi? Thinking of Iwaizumi led his heart to twist with every beat, and the fact that he would never see him again made him feel as though he would never truly experience happiness again. His joy lie in Iwaizumi and his love, but now he was lacking both.</p><p>The wind picked up— a new song playing in his ear by the second. He could move on from Iwaizumi- there was nothing wrong with that-, but he couldn’t find love in another. No one could replace him; and that was okay.</p><p>After finally getting out all of his tears and negative emotions that had been gnawing at his insides for over a year, he got up and walked towards the welcome tent. His face was flushed red, and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked in every direction as he walked, appreciating the beauty of his new surroundings.</p><p>The multicolored mountains that were green at the bottom, then light brown, then a dark tan, then a tan with blue-ish tints, then a darker blue that was probably a result of shadows; the mixture of greens that were present in the landscape; and the random puffs of steam that arose from holes in the ground.</p><p>“Kiyoko? Hitoka?” Oikawa asked, his runny nose causing his voice to be rough. The two girls in front of him were his old friends from Earth, and he hadn’t seen them in forever. He remembered that they were one of the firsts to leave Earth, and he hugged them tightly.</p><p>“Oikawa!” Yachi exclaimed, smiling into the much taller male’s embrace. After he let go, she adjusted the wire-rimmed glasses that had slid down her face. “Oh, Oikawa,” she repeated, but this time a grave tone replacing the once ecstatic one.</p><p>“What’s with the switch in your mood, Hitoka?” he asked, his once happy mood gone and replaced by his old, depressed one.</p><p>“Well. We thought you should… know that…” she paused, as if unsure if she should continue, and glanced at Kiyoko for approval. The older female nodded, “we thought you should know that Iwaizumi’s ship exploded.”</p><p>Oikawa stood there, a blank expression on his face. How was he supposed to react to that? How do you react to the knowledge that the one you love the most is gone forever? Sure, he was expecting it, but at least before he had a small hope in the fact that Iwaizumi was alive. Now his passing was confirmed.</p><p>“We found something in the ship’s black box,” Kiyoko said quietly, placing a hand on Oikawa’s shoulder in a comforting manner. He crumbled into her touch and looked up at her as she began speaking. “Iwaizumi wrote you a letter. We didn’t read it, but we thought maybe you would want to.</p><p>She pointed towards a table, where a letter lie in wait of its recipient. Reluctantly, Oikawa walked over slowly and picked up the envelope with “Oikawa Tooru” written in an unfamiliar handwriting. He knew it wasn’t Iwaizumi’s. The sheet was cool to the touch, and he flipped it back and forth in his hands in an attempt to feel something. Should he open it? Should he wait for a better time?</p><p>“Thank you- um- both… for- um- this,” Oikawa stammered, tripping over slurred words as he attempted to not cry in front of them. Originally, he had thought he would never read something Iwaizumi wrote again. He never thought he would know the last thoughts that Iwaizumi had. Now, he had the chance to know. He could know how Iwaizumi felt about the letter (assuming he found it).</p><p>He could finally have closure on all of the uncertainties that swam through his head, consuming his every thought like a parasite; however, he couldn’t. Something in him was fine not knowing what Iwaizumi’s letter held. Something in him didn’t want to accept Iwaizumi’s death. He knew it was a fact, Yachi and Kiyoko had confirmed his suspicions, but he still didn’t want to accept it so hastily.</p><p>The other part of him knew he needed to move on. He knew that life could be easier one day if he accepted it now and went through the grieving stage as efficiently as he could— but life didn’t work that way. You can’t treat grief like a to-do list, and Oikawa scolded himself for tainting the memory of Iwaizumi with the thought.</p><p>“I’ll probably read it some other time,” he told the pair of girls, and they nodded sincerely; both wanting the best for him.</p><p>“Take your time, Tooru-san,” Yachi said, urging him to not only take the grieving at his own natural pace, but to also take care of himself. The latter wasn’t very explicit, but she hoped he would understand.</p><p>“Thank you, Hitoka,” he answered emotionlessly, bowing slightly as he smiled at the younger blonde.</p><p>“Oh, Tooru, your living arrangements are essentially the same as when you were on your ship. Your crew mates should be there already, but here’s your key and a packet on information about the colony. I wish you the best, and, please, take care of yourself. Iwaizumi wouldn’t want you to throw yourself under the bus for all of this. It wasn’t your fault.”</p><p>Oikawa nodded and attempted to smile as he grabbed the keys and packet that were on the table. He shoved the note in his pocket before walking to what he assumed was the living space.</p><p>The building itself was a glass high rise building, and Oikawa didn’t know how it was built or who built it. The two suns that resided in the sky reflected off of the building’s glass exterior, and for a split second Oikawa was blinded by the bright lights. He was a mess of emotions and little things like this were not helping.</p><p>The packet that Yachi and Kiyoko had given to him contained three keys: one for the building’s entrance, one for his apartment, and the last for his assigned vehicle in the garage behind the apartment complex. Each key was labeled with a letter: <em>e</em> for entrance, <em>a</em> for apartment, and <em>c</em> for what he assumed was car. Using the entrance key, he entered the building and walked up to the concierge, whose name tag read: Matsukawa, and asked where his floor was.</p><p>“Um, name?” the male asked emotionlessly. Oikawa tried not to roll his eyes at the dull person. He was already upset enough, and if the first person he greeted every time he walked into the building was going to be this guy, he didn’t know what he was going to do.</p><p>“Oikawa Tooru… I’m with Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma, Aka-” he began listing his crew mates after not getting a response from the male, but the loud clicking and clacking of his keyboard took Oikawa off guard, so he abruptly stopped. “Do you need more names, or is that fine?” He didn’t care at this point. He just wanted to shower in this stupid, new complex and sleep.</p><p>“No that’s fine, just give me like two more seconds,” Matsukawa replied. His eyes slowly scanned the screen, and he didn’t give Oikawa even a semblance of thought that he was paying any attention to him. He kept clicking the same few buttons with no success, and the two stood there in an awkward, uncomfortable silence. “Ok found it. Floor four, apartment number 129.”</p><p>Oikawa sighed and muttered a quick thank you before trudging along to the glass elevator with golden accents at the end of the hallway. He didn’t have much in hand; since, to his knowledge, someone was going to bring all of their belongings from the ship to the new building. The elevator opened with a ding that too closely resembled the notification sound from Oikawa’s computer on the ship. His heart ached as he felt himself thinking of Iwaizumi and what he would/could have been telling him. Maybe if he opened the letter… no.</p><p>Stepping into the elevator, he was greeted by the sound of horrible music. Some guy singing about how he loved and lost, there were trumpets and equally horrible background vocals, and there was a horrible beat underneath all of it. <em>Who even picks this?</em> Oikawa wondered to himself. Luckily, the ride was short due to him only being on the third floor, and he inspected the signs on the wall that showed which way to go for whichever rooms when he stepped out.</p><p>Eventually, Oikawa found the apartment’s door and hovered his key above the electronic pad outside of it. There was a ping, and then a clicking noise that he assumed was the door unlocking. He opened the door and walked in, quickly greeted by Bokuto.</p><p>“Whoa, Bokkun, calm down, you’re gonna ruin my entrance packets,” Oikawa grumbled, placing the papers the girls gave him on the table.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry,” Bokuto replied shyly. Akaashi came up behind him and placed his head on his shoulder. “Keiji!” Bokuto exclaimed, wrapping his hands around the shorter male’s arms in embrace. Oikawa wished that was him.</p><p>“Are you hungry, Tooru? We have a ton of food. Some of it’s even Earth food… there’s also a ton of weird vegetables that were grown here. We have tofu, the sketchy veggies, and then rice,” Kozume announced; the fridge open and his head slightly above the door. Oikawa was about to tell the younger that he wasn’t hungry, but at that moment his stomach betrayed him and let out a loud grumble.</p><p>“I guess that’s a yes, huh?” Kuroo laughed from a couch in what Oikawa assumed was the living room. “What do you want? We don’t have milk bread, so sorry about that, bro,” he added with a grin.</p><p>Oikawa laughed dryly at the joke, before shrugging in response to Kuroo’s question. “Just call me when the food is ready,” Oikawa said, walking into the room labeled with his initials.</p><p>As he walked off, he overheard the other three begin speaking in hushed tones. His suspicions were correct: they were walking on eggshells around him. They knew about Iwaizumi and his ship, but they didn’t want to start the conversation at the risk of ruining the calm mood that encased the apartment.</p><p>About an hour later, Akaashi came into his room to tell him the food was ready. Oikawa nodded and stared at the letter on his bed. He had to open it at some point, but was now the best time?Shaking off the feelings of confusion and sadness, he composed himself and prepared for the possible outburst that could occur. Would anyone bring up the situation with the other crew’s ship? Would they just ignore it completely?</p><p>Oikawa opened the door and stepped into the living room, watching the other four as they grabbed food from off of the stove and scooped it onto their plates. From what he could see, he thought it was agedashi tofu- Iwaizumi’s favorite food. Were they going to address the elephant in the room? “Oh, hey, Tooru-san,” Kozume said, announcing the presence of the lonesome male.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, drawing out the end awkwardly. His response seemed to asphyxiate the once joyful mood in the room. Everyone’s smiles seemed to falter at the addition of Oikawa, and it made him feel unwanted. Did they feel bad, or did they not regret what they did and didn’t want to apologize for choosing not to save them? Regardless, he swiftly moved around the furniture blocking his path and grabbed a plate. The other four watched him, and he ignored their piercing eyes as he sat down at the table.</p><p>“Well? Hurry up, the food’s going to get cold.”</p><p>At his blunt statement, the others slowly and reluctantly sat down at the remaining four chairs. Oikawa was the first to quietly mutter “thank you for the food” before digging in.</p><p>The warmth from the tofu caught him off guard, and it made him think of all the nights he would come home to find Iwaizumi cooking this very dish. The nights they would spend laughing and savoring the time they had with one another. They were so young and foolish then, but now those feelings were nothing more to Oikawa than mere memories; memories that couldn’t be recreated with anyone else. Thinking of such things- mixed with the burst of flavor and warmth from the tofu- led Oikawa to tear up. Fat drops of water streamed down his face, and he quietly sobbed into his dinner as the others just watched.</p><p>“Thank you, whoever cooked,” Oikawa breathed out. He was struggling to catch his breath since he was crying and had just scarfed down an entire serving of tofu. Akaashi raised a low hand to take credit for the cooking and gave Oikawa a warm smile.</p><p>“I’m glad you liked it,” he honestly answered. “I thought that… well. I thought that, since- since- um- Kou, help me please,” he whispered, unable to get the words out. He gave Bokuto a sad glance, and he was deeply regretting not just spitting out what he had prepared to tell Oikawa in the first place.</p><p>“He wanted to make you something that reminded you of Iwaizumi-san,” Bokuto said, glancing over at Akaashi for reassurance. The younger nodded and frowned at Oikawa.</p><p>“We were wrong about the distress call, and-”</p><p>“Don’t apologize,” Oikawa interrupted. “You made the decision you thought was right. It’s easy to doubt when you’re looking back on it. You thought you were making the best decision, and you were all right. My judgement was clouded by emotion, and it would have been detrimental for us all had we gone to help them. I’m sure they would have wanted us to go, but I think they also would have felt guilty if we did. Of course, I would be better off with Iwaizumi here, but how long would it have taken us to get here? What if we ran out of supplies and just… starved? Would it have helped them? You were all right, and of course I’m probably slightly more upset about the entire situation than you all- which, sorry Kenma, because I know how close you and Sho were- but it’s cool. We’ll move on eventually, and we should rest easily knowing that they’re no longer just floating through space aimlessly.”</p><p>Oikawa’s speech had everyone in tears or extremely close to them. Bokuto and Kuroo had tears streaming down their cheeks and a frown drawn across their lips; on the other hand, Kenma and Akaashi simply had tears in the corners of their eyes that threatened to spill out and a tight smile as they looked at Oikawa. Oikawa himself was crying as well, and his voice cracked a few too many times during his monologue.</p><p>The four of them all stood up from their seats simultaneously, running over to encase Oikawa in a suffocating hug. Tears wet everyone’s shirts, and they all laughed in an awkward, wet way due to the snot in their noses. “I love you all,” Oikawa sniffled, his face in Bokuto’s firm, muscular chest that was sprinkled with his tears and mucus.</p><p>“We love you, too, ‘Kawa,” Bokuto sobbed into his hair. Everyone laughed and let out an internal sigh of relief that the Pandora’s box that was their problems was opened and solved.</p><p>After they finished cleaning the kitchen, the group of five sat on the couch and floor to watch a movie.</p><p>The normalcy was something they had overlooked, and as they watched one of the few DVDs that was in the apartment, Oikawa was glad to be surrounded by people that loved him.</p><hr/><p>Four months after the landing, Oikawa decided it was fine time he opened the letter; however, it was easier said than done. While he wanted closure, he couldn’t commit to breaking the seal that was perfectly done by Yachi and Kiyoko.</p><p>He could tell that his roommates were wondering when he would finally break and open it, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually commit the deed. A week before he finally did, he asked Bokuto to help him dig a grave in remembrance of Iwaizumi. There wasn’t a body, of course, but Oikawa drew a (horrible) drawing of Iwaizumi and placed it underneath the dirt as a placeholder. The drawing consisted of stick-figure Iwaizumi holding stick-figure Oikawa’s hand, and there was a background of hearts and stars that Oikawa was quite proud of— for no valid reason at all.</p><p>He visited the grave everyday after it was built, and every day he would take the letter with him on the chance that he would finally open it. If he was going to read it, he wanted it to be in Iwaizumi’s presence.</p><p>It was November third now, and Oikawa sat at the base of Iwaizumi’s grave. Today was the day. It had to be.</p><p>Releasing a shaky breath, he slowly broke the seal at the top that had kept the letter closed for so long. Oikawa had wanted to wait until he had at least gotten to the acceptance stage of grieving, but getting over Iwaizumi was no easy feat. He was currently in bargaining, and it was taking a larger toll on his mental health than he wanted to admit.</p><p>He had tried talking to the resident therapist/psychologist on the planet, Yamaguchi Tadashi, but the sessions weren’t helping as much as he wanted them to. Once a week, he went, cried, and left. It was a routine they had gotten used to, but Oikawa was growing tired of it and thought it was a waste of Yamaguchi’s services. The younger male had suggested he open the letter (partially because he had a bet going with his room mate, Tsukishima, that Oikawa would open it before six months and Tsukishima thought it would take at least a year), and that maybe knowing what Iwaizumi was thinking would help ease his mind.</p><p>November third he was finally taking the younger boy’s advice.</p><p>He pulled the letter out of the now creme colored envelope- due to a mixture of dirt, dust, and time- and stared at it. After slowly unfolding it, he stared at the electronic appearance of the hiragana and kanji text. Oikawa held the paper in his hands like it were a baby— gently holding it at the risk of ruining his last tie to Iwaizumi that he had left.</p><p>
  <em>dearest tooru. ew that’s kinda fancy haha</em>
</p><p>
  <em>anyway. i’m writing this to tell you that i love you; which was kind of a given, i guess. ;) but yeah. being apart from you has taken a toll, and i’ve gradually come to realize how much i relied on you for such menial things. the other day i forgot to brush my hair and i thought of the times you would run your fingers through it. sitting on the couch and watching tv and just. sitting with you and enjoying your presence. i guess you’re probably wondering why im writing this out of nowhere. it was always you that was the sap and now here i am writing a love letter to you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>our engine is slowly failing. a meteor hit us about a month ago and we thought nothing of it because it was so small. unfortunately, about a week after the lights kept flickering, the air condition/heat kept fluctuating between temperatures, and just a ton of other random stuff that we found weird. daichi said we should check the manual, so we did. we decided it had to be the engine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>shoyo and tobio work on it everyday, and- while it’s funny listening to their silly disputes as they work- it seems to not be getting better. daichi and suga have been trying to rewire the mainframe; which, i have no idea what that has to do with anything— but whatever. i kind of just sit here unsure of what to do with myself. im just here to chart the course and make sure we’re on track to arrive at X-836 as soon as possible.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i think we may die. i try not to think of such things but i find myself holding my chin in hand more often than usual lately. when i get in these moods i think of you, tooru. i try and i try and i try to stay positive, but recently i can’t. i tell myself that things will fix, and that one day we’ll be reunited and we can have a ton of plants and be married and maybe have cats or dogs or adopt kids or something who knows i dont care as long as im with you i’ll be fine. i’ll be fine, i tell myself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>but i can’t really find it in me to believe it. i just wish i could be there with you, and to hear you say “i’m here” the way that i would tell you during your panic and anxiety attacks. i just wish you were here. it isn’t fair for kags and hina and daichi and suga to die a peaceful death with the one they love. i want to be with you when i die. i want to be there with you until my dying breath and it isnt fair that i probably wont be. is that selfish of me? is it so wrong to want to die next to you? please tooru i hope i can give this to you in person or read it aloud to you or at least send it so you can at least maybe reply. i miss you so so so much that i really cant even put it into words. you were always better at this sort of thing.</em>
</p><p><em>i can’t even begin to verbalize the way i feel about you the way you did. the metaphors and references you spoke of in your letter reminded me of how wonderfully your mind works. how smart you are. my smart, beautiful boy. i’m sorry i wasn’t as vocal about my love as you are. were. whatever. i wish i could tell you one more time. i love you i love you i love you.</em> </p><p>
  <em>i found the letter. i read it before bed every night. i think i may have some of it memorized. all of it probably. i love you, too, tooru. i love you and i miss everything about you. i miss your stupid smile and your hair and i miss being able to be in your presence and just melting into you as we hug and kiss. i miss you and i cant wait to tell you everything th</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The letter cut off there.</p><p>Rivers of tears and snot ran down Oikawa’s face, creating an image of himself he desperately hoped no one could see. His brown, wavy hair whipped in his face from the wind. He chuckled bitterly and bit his tongue as he looked down at the grave he had created with Bokuto. “<em>Iwaizumi Hajime, June 10, 1994-? / incredible son and husband.</em>” Oikawa hoped the grave was something Iwaizumi’s spirit would enjoy from above.</p><p>Clearing his throat, Oikawa kneeled down and kissed his fingers before pressing them down on the freshly placed dirt covered in a bouquet of flowers from the day before. He smiled.</p><p>“I’m here, Hajime.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi this is an unedited mess but hope you enjoyed! sorry if there were any plot holes and sorry the quality kinda just drops at the end i sort of lost motivation and it shows. anyways ! thank you for reading :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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